Dear Annie

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Dear Annie

Fri, 05/05/2023 - 01:28
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Dear Annie: My younger brother “Chris” moved away and got married. He and his wife, “Julie,” have a baby girl and two golden retrievers. They recently came to visit for a week, and they brought their dogs. My mom lives with me, and she already has three dogs. My brother’s dogs are a total pain. I wish Chris had hired a dog sitter and left the dogs at home. I think it is selfish for them to bring their animals to a guest’s home. Should I ask my brother to leave his dogs at home the next time they visit? -- Too Many Dogs Dear Too Many Dogs: If it’s your home, then of course you have the right to ask Chris to leave the dogs behind next time. It might help if you explain to him why you feel that way -- for example, you are allergic or the dogs shed on your furniture -- so that he knows it’s not coming from a place of hostility.

Dear Annie: I recently won over $500 in a local March Madness basketball bracket. It was $20 to enter, and my bracket came out on top. I told my wife about my winnings and, while happy for me, she expected me to split the winnings with her.

I must say that I did take the $20 entry fee from our joint banking account. I replaced the original $20 back into our account and offered to take her to dinner or give her $100 as a token of unity and support. However, she felt that this consolation to her was inadequate and that we should split the winnings to get around $250 each. I feel that this is not a fair deal as I was the one who took the initiative to enter the bracket and pick the ultimate winners.

What do you think? Am I being stingy with the winnings, or am I justified to take the bulk of the reward because I was the one who won? -- Busted in Birmingham

Dear Busted: It seems to me this was your own solo venture and so the rewards should be yours alone. While you temporarily borrowed the $20 buy-in from your shared account, so long as you replenished those funds, I’d consider you off the hook. You found the info on entering the bracket. You picked and compiled your teams. You followed along week after week. Was she aware you were participating? Did she express any interest or advice in selecting your bracket? If she wasn’t a part of the process, she’s not automatically entitled to be part of the reward. Think: Say she went to play bingo with friends, borrowed $20 from you to do it that she later paid you back for, and won the same amount of money you did here, would you expect a piece -- let alone half of the pie? I doubt it. Try explaining it to your wife this way over that nice dinner you mentioned, and when next year’s bracket comes around, make sure she knows how to participate if she wants to.

It’s not uncommon for partners in long-term marriages to start thinking of their money as the family’s money, as opposed to his and hers. This seems to be your wife’s outlook on it. Now sounds like the perfect time for a larger conversation about finances in general and setting firmer boundaries around money, as individuals and as a couple.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology -- featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.

com for more information.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators. com.