Dear Annie: Most often a cheating husband or wife causes the divorce. Most would want to end their marriage after finding their partner cheated. And most people would advise the offended partner to leave.

This is most of what I read in people’s letters and people’s responses to you.

But it doesn’t have to be like that. Actually, it can be one of the most beautiful things in the world. Love. Love and forgiveness. Love, forgiveness and thankfulness.

I remember a serious girlfriend telling me once she would divorce me immediately if she found I cheated, no questions asked. And I would have expected myself to understand that clearly and feel reciprocally. But I didn’t. I was offended that she felt that. I saw my feelings toward her were so deep that if the opposite happened and she cheated, I would want to forgive her rather than lose her. I knew my feelings would be crushed, trust would be broken and a long road lay ahead. I knew a cheater would need to be truly seeking to reconcile, but I would want that to be true for us, over the other outcome divorce.

A year or two later, our relationship ended for other reasons, but I’ll always remember those strong, pure feelings of “till death do us part” and “for better or worse.”

I know it would take a person who was truly sorry. And I know the adage, “once a cheater always a cheater” is probably more often the truth. But imagine, 60 years later, an old man waking up and seeing his old wife next to him in bed every morning, and thinking, “Here, here is the woman who loved me enough to forgive me even though I never deserved it.” -- Things Can End Good

Dear Things Can End Good: Thank you for your unusual and interesting perspective. Yes, things can end good with love and forgiveness, but cheating in a marriage creates hurt feelings -- always.

Dear Annie: My sister, who is a school counselor and thus very aware of the damage she is doing, constantly belittles, mocks and makes sarcastic “jokes” about me. Then, when I am obviously hurt by her verbal abuse, she “defends” her terrible comments by wickedly laughing and saying, “No one can hurt you without your permission.”

She conveniently “revised” the Eleanor Roosevelt saying, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent,” in order to give her free rein to verbally attack and ridicule me, and to defend her own hateful comments.

Once I realized that my sister is a mentally ill grand narcissist who lives to control and hurt people, especially with her abusive words, I made a special effort to stay away from her as much as possible. When “Belittled Daughter” is able to leave her abusive mother, she will no longer have to tolerate her mother’s verbal abuse, and she can live in peace. -- Twisted Sister’s Sister

Dear Twisted Sister’s Sister: Your sister sounds more than twisted. She sounds incredibly cruel and unhappy. Recognizing that your sister is mentally ill, and a grand narcissist, and distancing is one of the best things you can do for yourself. Next time she tries to tear you down in that manner, just simply walk away and leave the room.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology -- featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing. com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators. com.