Dear Annie: I’m 42 and, due to having epilepsy, have never been able to live on my own, without my parents. I haven’t had any kind of social life for the past 13 years. My illness began the year after I graduated high school, and it gradually got worse with time. I have lived with my mom through childhood, and from my senior year of high school until I was 38, I lived with my dad. Now I’m back living with my mom.

Since 2010, I haven’t been able to drive or work, and since my license was suspended due to my illness, my life has been permanently put on hold. I’ve had one friend in all that time, and unfortunately, he lives in New York, while I live in Virginia.

Since having my illness, I have been treated like nothing more than a toddler. When it comes to my parents, especially my mom, I’m not ALLOWED to do many things, including being left alone. My mom thinks that the second I’m alone, I’m going to have a seizure, and the more my condition improves, the more controlling over me she gets.

She has, though, done a massive amount when it comes to my health, helping me throughout these past few years. But in the end, she always has to step up and tell everyone what she’s done and how I wouldn’t have improved if it hadn’t been for her. We had an argument last week over something very petty about my condition that spiraled out of control, and that turned my whole family against me. I’m stuck with her because, even with my dad living close by, he’s unfortunately in the hospital, and I have nowhere to go.

The more we’re around each other, the more the argument spirals, and the more I don’t want to be here. Every time her phone rings, which is a lot, I know it’s either a call or a text about me, because she has made herself out to be the victim in this whole situation, so she’s calling and texting all my family members about everything going on. Because nobody wants to, or will hear my side of the story, they only know her side, so it’s extremely frustrating dealing with this situation. -- Turned Against My Family Dear Turned: Just like you say, your mom is making herself out to be the victim. But you are acting like a victim yourself by saying that no one wants to hear your side of the story. You are not a victim, and you are not a toddler. Have an open and honest conversation with your mother about your rules, how you don’t like to be treated like a toddler and how you want to be able to do more things.

Dear Annie: Where do I even start with a mother like mine? She tries WAY too hard to be funny, and I usually end up being the butt of her jokes, which, as a shy introvert, I’m not crazy about. I’ve backed off on sharing news about what’s going on in my life because for whatever reason, she feels compelled to make my business everyone else’s business (including personal medical stuff), and worse, anytime she offers me any financial assistance (I don’t ask; she offers), she always manages to turn it around and make me feel guilty for needing help.

At one point, she even brought me to tears when my insurance wouldn’t cover one of my medications, and she offered to pay for it just to complain about how expensive I was -- right in front of the cashier. I’ve tried to talk to her repeatedly about how bad she makes me feel, but she just dismisses me as being “too sensitive.” I’m borderline ready to just cut her off, but I’m wondering if there’s a different way I can approach this since she Daughter won’t listen to me. -- Belittled Dear Belittled Daughter: Instead of deciding if you should cut her off right now, try to understand that what your mother is doing is truly mean. There is no other way to say it. She teases you and violates your boundaries by blabbing to others about your personal matters and then tells you that you are being too sensitive for having a natural human reaction by feeling hurt. That is called “gaslighting,” plain and simple.

Your sensitivity is a gift. It is hopefully what will allow you to get some awareness about what is going on. Your mom probably had that same type of shaming or cruelty done to her, and instead of allowing herself to look at how hurt it made her feel, she just identified with the aggressor and is now doing the same to you. Giving you money and then making you feel guilty -- all forms of control.

Because you are sensitive, you can break this cycle and recognize that your mom is a hurt woman who is hurting you. Know that her actions have nothing to do with you and everything to do with the fact that she couldn’t get in touch with her feelings enough to know how that type of teasing and shaming to someone is really cruel. Continue to be yourself and allow that sensitive side of your personality to make you into a more empathetic human being -- something the world certainly needs more of today.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology -- featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.

com for more information.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators. com.