Dear Annie: After dating a guy who turned out to be a narcissist, my question is, how can I heal? I’ve tried everything, and I’ve even felt like I’m over it and I’m OK, but then I have my days. It’s like grieving.

I fell in love with this man, and feel like I let my guard down way too soon, only to be disappointed. Yes, he pursued me heavily, and it’s like after supporting me through nursing school, by the time it was close to my graduating, he started to become distant. I am so depressed off and on. I feel like I lost my best friend. What would you suggest?

I’m no longer interested; plus, he has moved on. This is so not like me to let something like this get to me or have me feeling down. I feel like I lost myself just simply trying to understand, and then I tell myself that he served his purpose in my life, and if it was meant to be, it would have been. How do I heal, and how do I get over this heartbreak? I never in my life thought I would allow someone access to me and not see this coming or notice the red flags. Please help. Brokenhearted Dear Brokenhearted: You have no control over how your ex-boyfriend treated you, but you have total control over how you respond to it. If he was a true narcissist, he was not your best friend. He might have pretended to be your best friend, but that is not a true, authentic friend. He probably is incapable at this point in his life of being a true friend to anyone because he is not a friend to himself.

Allow yourself time to grieve your relationship. It is understandable. It is OK to get sad off and on. Keep doing things for yourself that made you happy before him. Stay close to family and friends, and lean on them for comfort. There is strength in vulnerability. The sooner you recognize that, the sooner you will be able to move through the sadness.

Once you have some distance and time away from the relationship, try to get curious and ask yourself what you liked and didn’t like in the relationship so that you can learn from the old relationship what you don’t want in your new relationship. And don’t rule out talking to a good therapist. At the very least, you will stop beating yourself up for not spotting this guy’s personality earlier.

Dear Annie: I am at an impasse. On the one hand, I want to keep fighting for my three-person family of 18 years, but on the other hand, I wonder if staying is doing more harm than good for our daughter of 17. After a Christmas argument, her mom left and returned so late that all hopes for a Christmas dinner dwindled.

My daughter was sad this morning. Her mom was still angry but is calmer now. It’s tough to know what’s right, but staying seems like what my gut tells me to do. “Debbie” and I are not married but have been a family since she was pregnant. She had a tough childhood and gets angry a lot. There’s no reason to not be happy, so I will keep trying. -- Family Man

Dear Family Man: I am sorry that you and your daughter are going through this. It sounds like your wife has lots of unresolved anger and a difficult time allowing herself to experience the joys of being together and peaceful on Christmas. Needless to say, you would benefit tremendously from working with a professional counselor, or a couples counselor for both of you, to get at the root of the blowups.

Continue to reassure your daughter how much you love her, and when your wife is calm, tell her how sad her daughter was after she left. As far as doing more harm than good, a 17-year-old wants to know that she is loved and safe, even if one parent is acting like a child.

“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology -- featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www. creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.